Things I Don't Want.

Fur Bikini, $40

Wild Things Trading Post

TopShop = Kapowski

Topshop

Equals Kapowski

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Historical Hunk: Rupert Brooke

Dubbed the "Handsomest Young Man in England" by William Butler Yeats, Poet Rupert Brooke may have been a bit of a dandy. Also, he died of a mosquito bite in 1915. Ok, major dandy.

Here's something I didn't know about Guidos:

They shave their pits. The guys, that is. When Jersey Shore's Pauly D showed the Daily News how to administer a proper Blow Out, I paused and rewound on three different occasions. I thought to myself, "Why, I had no idea DJ Pauly D was a competitive Olympic swimmer! So typical MTV, hiring already-famous celebs to appear as everyday Americans!"

I'm sorry, Drake, but you are not a thug

You could survive 10 bullets, deal kilos of drugs, hook up with Rihanna, and slay mad hunnies, but you will always be Jimmy who was on Degrassi, a canadian tween soap-drama. Keep sitting on that upholstered chair on a roof top in Manhattan, but please know that I remember you when you played wheelchair basketball on a cable channel owned by Nickelodeon.

Gimme

54 Bond Street Penthouse, $15,450,000

Note: an optional floor of 1907 square feet is available for an indoor lap pool or storage

You are an embarrassment to this family

Neiman Marcus thinks you could really stand to tighten those quads. And that vat of dunkaroos certainly didn't help much either.

Exercising in denim really helps to pull moisture away from your body so it won't get stuck in those embarrassing ankle fat rolls... remnants from toddlerhood you just can't seem to shake.

Why do sorority girls write like thissssss???

Allow me to paraphrase- why do most girls write like thissssssssss? Maybe I'm beating a dead horse with this one, but I'm not entirely sure what emotion is conveyed by the extended consonant. In fact, I don't even know how to pronounce, "omg stoppppppppp."

The Bubble Eye Goldfish. Holy Hell.

Brought to you by Korea. And cute overload.

Shock Me Like An Electric Eel

Celebrities get to do so much cool shit that we plebs cannot. They forgo pants, they can do drugs in front of the president, they can kill people, and they can wear face paint. Maybe even all at the same time! I can't help but wonder where this face paint trend came from. My guess is that it has something to do with the band MGMT's rise to fame in summer 2008. Did the facepaint come from MGMT's motherland of Wesleyan in Middletown, Connecticut? Is that what people do there? Or was it merely birthed from the sinewey loins of North Brooklyn? Regardless, I'm into it. You can find me at a lame bar in Murray Hill trying it out this weekend.

Things I Don't Understand: Above the Knee Boots

They look like prosthetics, medieval armor, robot legs and video game characters all mixed into one. I don't get it. Please advise.

Cady Heron follows in the footsteps of her humanitarian parents

Letter to my fans regarding my partnership with the state of india and the BBC:

FIRST, i want to thank the arthurs of this blog for giving me access to this fourum and before i start i want to make something very clear: i am a serious actress who takes acting seriously and just because my friends who aren't my friends but i thought were my friends have betrayed me in the past (you know who you are, SAM) doesn't mean that i am irresponsible or a bad actress.

now i would like to address my latest documentary in india (shout up to the BCC!) which will be a film that will showcase my talents as a serious actress but also a serious human being who is concerned about human traffic and poorness and water conditions that make it difficult to boil rice and pasta which leads to starvation. i've been told they r shopping the title as "the slumdog and the millionaire" and i will be playing the millionaire and in a twist sure 2 shock u i will also play the slumdog as u will see how genuinely sad these conditions make me. i will showcase two sides of myself (one might have dark hari and one might have light.) I'm returning to my roots playing duel roles like i did in parent trap (RIP Natasha, I miss u always) there is currently no word on a release date but i will say that this documentary will be VERY sad and it will tear at your hearts and if u don't see it you might be missing the next oscar nominee for best documentary or best actress in a documentary.

LAST, dina wanted me to let all U haters know that my reason 4 doing this is because of humaniteranium side and NOT bc of the large generic pharmaceutical industry in india (generic is for poor people). thats rediculous.

ps sam, call me

--LL

Gimme

Sneak-It-In Disposable Flasks, $15

Restoration Hardware

Facebook Pet Peeves

I've realized that Facebook makes me dislike people more than it makes me feel closer to them. I hate knowing my friends politics. I feel sad for their RIP status postings, but don't really understand proper Facebook protocol when it comes to responding and choose to ignore. Here are five pet peeves that really get me going:

1) Photos imitating "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil." These photos are everywhere.

2) "8 days til Cabo!" Vacation count downs. Nope, don't care.

3) "Just ran 20 miles! 6.2 to go!" Marathon training updates. You spent 3 hours of your day running and I am not jealous. While you were training in 35 degree weather, I watched 6 Seinfeld reruns and ate frozen pizza. It was fabulous.

4) "Some people are SUCH assholes." Clearly pointed at someone who will see it on Facebook. Ultimately passive aggressive, and not in the fun way. I knew a roommate once who would push long hairs left in the shower drain toward the other roommate's hair products. Now that was fun passive aggression.

5) "Exhausted." Who isn't?

I too had sex with Tiger Woods

Not really. But once I saw Steve Zahn at Bourbon House in New Orleans.

Phrases to Retire

"Trials and Tribulations"

This phrase almost exclusively applies to Jesus and the hardships he faced. How about my Trials and Tribulations? How about I couldn't get a seat on the train this morning and it really sucked? Or on Saturday night when I ordered a whiskey and Diet Coke and got a whiskey and REGULAR Coke? These are trials and tribulations.

Gimme

Vice Canisters, $400

Jonathan Adler

Barbie Canisters, $363

Jonathan Adler

Why you gotta do me like this?

In 500 Days of Summer, Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Tom- my ideal man. He wears skinny ties, his BMI is prob less than mine and he's very familiar with The Smiths. These are the sort of things that tug at my heartstrings. He is idyllic. So you can imagine my despair when I came across this. WHAT. Kenny Chesney? Are you kidding me? and then there was the dreadful appearance on Jimmy Fallon.

Why are you talking like that?

For Chrissake, JGL, what are you doing?

A Guide to Getting on The Sartorialist

If you aren't a fashion editor or model, landing a spot on The Sartorialist can be a bit tricky. Here's what you've gotta do:

1) Smoke more cigarettes.

2) Become androgynous!

3) Wear ill fitting pants.

4) Be a chic old broad. Bonus points for the cane.

5. Ride a bike.

Now go to either Milan, Sydney, Paris or New York, drop 20lbs (men too) and wait on a street corner.

It's over, Mark. Deal with it.

Facebook has morphed into a crazy ex. I decided to give up the website about 4 months ago, since all I ever used it for was stalking myself (full disclosure: this is my only hobby), and for a nausea induction agent when I would stumble (I swear it was accidentally) on communications between acquaintances and one of my former significant bedfellow's who had been defriended. I didn't want to quit ye ol 'book entirely, because though I don't stalk people other than myself, I still wanted other to be able to stalk me, and look at all those amazing pictures of me having so much fun, so, I had a trusted friend change my password, and used self control to restrain myself from clicking the 'forgot my password' link. It was fabulous for awhile, it was basically like having a personal assistant or secretary manage my online persona (i.e rejecting weirdo friend requests and making sure i don't look like a cow in tagged photos). But now, Facebook, the unrelenting ex, is conning friends into contacting me on its behalf. 5 people have written on my wall telling me that facebook wants to reconnect, and that we need to talk, and that it will be better this time around. Is there anyway to get a digital restraining order, but you know, still let people stalk me?

Historical Hunk: Jack London

Rugged, yet sensitive. The Call Of The Wild? Yes, Yes.

Phrases to Retire

"These tough economic times"

Newsweek agreed. Brian Williams generally doesn't

Things I Don't Want.

Modern Fannypack? Haute Fishing Vest?

Bianca Vest Bag

Alexander Wang, $850

M.E. + T

My sister ruined The Giving Tree for me, so now i'm going to ruin it for you. Now I don't mean to get all Jezebel-y or anything, but can't I like this book without having to think its misogynistic? yeah yeah I know- she gave the boy her apples, branches and trunk and was left only as a miserable fat stump, but considering shel silverstein looked like this, I'm relieved far greater crimes were not committed.

Rumpshaker

Maybe its because I don't really remember the 80's, (I was less than 5 years old, but I'm pretty sure the quaaludes didn't help) but I get quite nostalgic about the early 90's. I miss the days in which watching peroxide blondes and oiled up hotties gyrate for an hour on Mtv Beach House or The Grind was considered quality programming. I miss the old Jenny McCarthy... before she thought she could single handedly cure autism. I want to wear a Budweiser swim suit. And not ironically.

Side Hugz

My Presbyterian prep school taught abstinence-only sex ed through a program called "Choosing the Best." Once a year, our androgynous female (I think) P.E. teacher taught us that premarital sex probably lead to herpes (not the family friendly mouth kind!) and definitely lead to AIDs. Couples who did have sex in high school, were closeted about it. And those who didn't have secret sex openly discussed their "no touch zone" policies. As you can imagine, college was a bit of a shock for many of us. Thank you, Mother Jones for this glorious piece. If only I'd heard the side hug rap sooner... I could've been saved.

Aging Gracefully.

I'm looking forward to getting old, and by old I mean elderly. I plan on wandering the city either in fur coats and dripping in jewels or with a pair of wings and a wand terrorizing children by trying to take their teeth. But by far I think the best part of getting old is the day that I switch to a Craftmatic Bed. I cannot wait.

Also, this is the picture on the Craftmatic Homepage:

Homework Assignment

http://www.camrynmanheim.com/

Familiarize yourself. There will be a quiz.

Gimme

I want nothing more than the Slumber Party Package at The Plaza Hotel. Designed by Betsy Johnson, the suite is available rawther steep price of $3,855/night.

(photos courtesy of stylefile.com)

Unsolved Mysteries

There are many great questions in life. Why did Bill choose Monica? Why is there an "s" in "lisp"? Who Killed Jon Benet? Sure, these question may puzzle me, but the one question which continues to blow my mind is: Which is worse- the necklace or the earring?

New Study Reveals Prolonged Exposure to Tom Cruise Turns Children into Zombies

Gimme

Stella McCartney Knickers of the Week, $195