Monday, December 28, 2009

TopShop = Kapowski

Equals Kapowski

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Historical Hunk: Rupert Brooke

Dubbed the "Handsomest Young Man in England" by William Butler Yeats, Poet Rupert Brooke may have been a bit of a dandy. Also, he died of a mosquito bite in 1915. Ok, major dandy.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Here's something I didn't know about Guidos:

They shave their pits. The guys, that is. When Jersey Shore's Pauly D
showed the Daily News how to administer a proper Blow Out, I paused and rewound on three different occasions. I thought to myself, "Why, I had no idea DJ Pauly D was a competitive Olympic swimmer! So typical MTV, hiring already-famous celebs to appear as everyday Americans!"

Friday, December 18, 2009

I'm sorry, Drake, but you are not a thug

You could survive 10 bullets, deal kilos of drugs, hook up with Rihanna, and slay mad hunnies, but you will always be Jimmy who was on Degrassi, a canadian tween soap-drama. Keep sitting on that upholstered chair on a roof top in Manhattan, but please know that I remember you when you played wheelchair basketball on a cable channel owned by Nickelodeon.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


54 Bond Street Penthouse, $15,450,000

Note: an optional floor of 1907 square feet is available for an indoor lap pool or storage

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

You are an embarrassment to this family

Neiman Marcus thinks you could really stand to tighten those quads. And that vat of dunkaroos certainly didn't help much either.

Exercising in denim really helps to pull moisture away from your body so it won't get stuck in those embarrassing ankle fat rolls... remnants from toddlerhood you just can't seem to shake.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Why do sorority girls write like thissssss???

Allow me to paraphrase- why do most girls write like thissssssssss? Maybe I'm beating a dead horse with this one, but I'm not entirely sure what emotion is conveyed by the extended consonant. In fact, I don't even know how to pronounce, "omg stoppppppppp."

Friday, December 11, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Shock Me Like An Electric Eel

Celebrities get to do so much cool shit that we plebs cannot. They forgo pants, they can do drugs in front of the president, they can kill people, and they can wear face paint. Maybe even all at the same time! I can't help but wonder where this face paint trend came from. My guess is that it has something to do with the band MGMT's rise to fame in summer 2008. Did the facepaint come from MGMT's motherland of Wesleyan in Middletown, Connecticut? Is that what people do there? Or was it merely birthed from the sinewey loins of North Brooklyn? Regardless, I'm into it. You can find me at a lame bar in Murray Hill trying it out this weekend.

Things I Don't Understand: Above the Knee Boots

They look like prosthetics, medieval armor, robot legs and video game characters all mixed into one. I don't get it. Please advise.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Cady Heron follows in the footsteps of her humanitarian parents

Letter to my fans regarding my partnership with the state of india and the BBC:

FIRST, i want to thank the arthurs of this blog for giving me access to this fourum and before i start i want to make something very clear: i am a serious actress who takes acting seriously and just because my friends who aren't my friends but i thought were my friends have betrayed me in the past (you know who you are, SAM) doesn't mean that i am irresponsible or a bad actress.

now i would like to address my latest documentary in india (shout up to the BCC!) which will be a film that will showcase my talents as a serious actress but also a serious human being who is concerned about human traffic and poorness and water conditions that make it difficult to boil rice and pasta which leads to starvation. i've been told they r shopping the title as "the slumdog and the millionaire" and i will be playing the millionaire and in a twist sure 2 shock u i will also play the slumdog as u will see how genuinely sad these conditions make me. i will showcase two sides of myself (one might have dark hari and one might have light.) I'm returning to my roots playing duel roles like i did in parent trap (RIP Natasha, I miss u always) there is currently no word on a release date but i will say that this documentary will be VERY sad and it will tear at your hearts and if u don't see it you might be missing the next oscar nominee for best documentary or best actress in a documentary.

LAST, dina wanted me to let all U haters know that my reason 4 doing this is because of humaniteranium side and NOT bc of the large generic pharmaceutical industry in india (generic is for poor people). thats rediculous.

ps sam, call me


Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Sneak-It-In Disposable Flasks, $15
Restoration Hardware

Facebook Pet Peeves

I've realized that Facebook makes me dislike people more than it makes me feel closer to them. I hate knowing my friends politics. I feel sad for their RIP status postings, but don't really understand proper Facebook protocol when it comes to responding and choose to ignore. Here are five pet peeves that really get me going:

1) Photos imitating "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil." These photos are everywhere.

2) "8 days til Cabo!" Vacation count downs. Nope, don't care.

3) "Just ran 20 miles! 6.2 to go!" Marathon training updates. You spent 3 hours of your day running and I am not jealous. While you were training in 35 degree weather, I watched 6 Seinfeld reruns and ate frozen pizza. It was fabulous.

4) "Some people are SUCH assholes." Clearly pointed at someone who will see it on Facebook. Ultimately passive aggressive, and not in the fun way. I knew a roommate once who would push long hairs left in the shower drain toward the other roommate's hair products. Now that was fun passive aggression.

5) "Exhausted." Who isn't?

Monday, December 7, 2009

I too had sex with Tiger Woods

Not really. But once I saw Steve Zahn at Bourbon House in New Orleans.

Phrases to Retire

"Trials and Tribulations"

This phrase almost exclusively applies to Jesus and the hardships he faced. How about my Trials and Tribulations? How about I couldn't get a seat on the train this morning and it really sucked? Or on Saturday night when I ordered a whiskey and Diet Coke and got a whiskey and REGULAR Coke? These are trials and tribulations.

Friday, December 4, 2009


Jonathan Adler

Jonathan Adler

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Why you gotta do me like this?

In 500 Days of Summer, Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Tom- my ideal man. He wears skinny ties, his BMI is prob less than mine and he's very familiar with The Smiths. These are the sort of things that tug at my heartstrings. He is idyllic. So you can imagine my despair when I came across this. WHAT. Kenny Chesney? Are you kidding me? and then there was the dreadful appearance on Jimmy Fallon.

Why are you talking like that?
For Chrissake, JGL, what are you doing?

A Guide to Getting on The Sartorialist

If you aren't a fashion editor or model, landing a spot on The Sartorialist can be a bit tricky. Here's what you've gotta do:

1) Smoke more cigarettes.

2) Become androgynous!

3) Wear ill fitting pants.

4) Be a chic old broad. Bonus points for the cane.

5. Ride a bike.

Now go to either Milan, Sydney, Paris or New York, drop 20lbs (men too) and wait on a street corner.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's over, Mark. Deal with it.

Facebook has morphed into a crazy ex. I decided to give up the website about 4 months ago, since all I ever used it for was stalking myself (full disclosure: this is my only hobby), and for a nausea induction agent when I would stumble (I swear it was accidentally) on communications between acquaintances and one of my former significant bedfellow's who had been defriended. I didn't want to quit ye ol 'book entirely, because though I don't stalk people other than myself, I still wanted other to be able to stalk me, and look at all those amazing pictures of me having so much fun, so, I had a trusted friend change my password, and used self control to restrain myself from clicking the 'forgot my password' link. It was fabulous for awhile, it was basically like having a personal assistant or secretary manage my online persona (i.e rejecting weirdo friend requests and making sure i don't look like a cow in tagged photos). But now, Facebook, the unrelenting ex, is conning friends into contacting me on its behalf. 5 people have written on my wall telling me that facebook wants to reconnect, and that we need to talk, and that it will be better this time around. Is there anyway to get a digital restraining order, but you know, still let people stalk me?

Historical Hunk: Jack London

Rugged, yet sensitive. The Call Of The Wild? Yes, Yes.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Phrases to Retire

"These tough economic times"

Newsweek agreed. Brian Williams generally doesn't

Things I Don't Want.

Modern Fannypack? Haute Fishing Vest?

Alexander Wang, $850